Domestic Violence is a pattern of assaultive and coercive behaviors, including physical, sexual and psychological attacks, as well as economic coercion that adults or adolescents use against their intimate partners or formerly intimate partners.
National Council of Juvenile & Family Court Judges. 1998

"Child abuse and neglect" means, at a minimum, any recent act, or failure to act on the part of a parent or caretaker, which results in death, serious physical or emotional harm, sexual abuse or exploitation, or an act or failure to act which presents an imminent risk of serious harm to a child.
Child Abuse Prevention and Treatment Act (CAPTA) June 2003

• 3.3 million-10 million children are at risk of exposure to family violence
• 41-55% of the time police respond to domestic violence calls, children are present
• Domestic violence is the major contributing factor in teenage runaways and homeless street youth
• 71% of victims using domestic violence shelters bring their children
• 15-25% of victims of domestic violence are pregnant women

Domestic violence is more than physical abuse. Some victims don't recognize they are in violent relationships because they have not been physically hurt. Here are some other methods abusers use to control their partners.

• Intimidation: using looks or actions to control
• Coercion and threats: using fear
• Emotional abuse: put downs and insults
• Isolation: controlling what the victim can do, who they can see or who they can talk to
• Minimizing and blaming: denying the abuse happens, it's the victim's fault
• Economic abuse: taking and controlling allof the money
• Using children: threatening to take the children away, or using them to hurt the victim.

Children who live in homes where there is domestic violence are at risk of injury due to items being thrown, missed punches, and/or deliberate attacks. Younger children may be harmed while being held by the victim. Older children are often hurt trying to intervene to stop the violence and help the victim. Mothers that are abused are often under so much stress that they are emotionally unavailable for their children and can actually be physically unavailable due to injuries. When there is abuse in the home the victim might abuse the children in order keep them quiet or well behaved, and keep them out of the batterer's way. The abusive parent often undermines the other parent's authority and may encourage the children to witness or participate in the abuse. Unfortunately the abuse may not stop even when the batterer or victim leaves the home. Sometimes the children are used as a way to see the victim. The children may be asked to spy on the victim or relay intimidating messages. Children are often used to continue the emotional abuse started earlier.

The Bottom Line
Children that live in violent homes are at risk of being injured themselves. The violence becomes the child's world. They become confused. They are punished for telling and rewarded for not telling.

There is hope
"Not all children exposed to violence suffer significant harmful effects…The most critical protective factor for a child is the existence of a strong, positive relationship between the child and a competent and caring adult."
J.D. Osofsky and E. Fenichel, editors
"Caring for Infants and Toddlers in Violent Environments:
Hurt, Healing and Hope."
Dec. 1993/Jan. 1994

You can make a difference in a child's life.
What can you do?

Know the resource for your area

Understand why the victim may not be able to leave.

Don't be judgmental.

Tell the victim you are afraid for their safety and for the safety of the children.

Make a report to the DCFS hotline if you feel the children are being harmed

"I heard a loud monster, but it wasn't. It was my daddy. He makes loud monster noises"
Child Witness to Violence Program Boston Medical Center